The sun was shining, my bags were packed, and my Hawaiian vacation shirt was on. In a few hours I would be unwinding in the sun, on my way to Cancun with my beautiful girlfriend. This was my first vacation in months, as well as my first cruise. I had high expectations of perfection. As I excitedly made my last minute preparations, a scary thought popped into my head: the cost of booze on board. I don’t like to drink a lot, but it’s not much of a vacation without letting loose a little. Without a stiff drink, how else would I get through The Piano Man, the Billy Joel cover band?
The Reason Why I Did it
Tainted memories raced through my mind: a seven dollar beer at the baseball game last month, the ten dollar jack and coke at my last concert, or even the eleven dollar mimosa for brunch in Yellowstone last year. This isn’t including the tips I felt obligated to give. Surely, the prices on this glorified boat would be steep. This time would be different, I was going to outsmart those swindlers. I would simply bring my own regularly priced booze, but how? A quick google search proved that cruise security is as serious as the TSA.
The Dreaded Scan
They would scan both me and my luggage before allowing me on board. Certainly I would need to bring something with a high alcohol content; it had to be hard liquor. Drinks like vodka, gin, tequila, and some rums are clear enough to be put into a water bottle once I was on board. I still needed a way to get it past security though. As I paced my living room pondering my options, an epiphany struck me! All I needed was several mall, travel containers. Every guest brings shampoo, conditioner, nail polish, etc. A scan of my bag wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the those household items and my secret stash. After a quick errand run, I scattered my little plastic bottles of rum throughout all of our bags. A couple in each bag and security wouldn’t raise an eye brow.
When I finally got to the cruise ship, I knew that confidence was key. I handed away my luggage with a smile. Despite my insides being distressed and fearful, I managed to greet security with a false sense of calm and casual. In no time I was reacquainted with my baggage, but more importantly, I could start to drink.